Are you afraid getting your fearful child to swim is going to be a struggle again this summer ? You are not alone. Loving water isn’t something we’re all born with — I see it mostly as a learned experience. Some just have a harder time coming to appreciate it than others. Water is a valid thing to be afraid and we want our kids to have a healthy fear of it. But what if the fear is too healthy?
I’m going to keep the answer simple. Which are sometimes the hardest answers. I want you to keep just two key words in your mind when approaching swimming lessons again: currencies and rescues. You keep these two words close to your heart and mind and when headache and heartache ensues. You hang onto them. You make them your mantras. You make them your behavior and action. You follow them despite your buts, ifs and should I’s. Here’s how:
#1: Hone in on your child’s currencies. This is a Dr. Phil term I learned the other night when he interviewed a family that cannot get their 3-year to quit pooping his pants. The parents were using both positive and negative reinforcements in the form of time-outs and the promise of an unopened prize (a dump truck — the kid loved ‘um). Dr. Phil told the parents it was a control issue and they had not yet stumbled upon the child’s preferred currency, or simply what it would take for the child to give up control. This could be a food, a toy, a game, a person, a place … figure it out and use it as a motivator for attending swim lessons. Currencies change, but they always have the same effect.
#2: Refrain from rescuing. Ah, yes, rescuing. I’m using this as a psychological term. I’ve witnessed even the most enlighten parents getting in their child’s way without acknowledging it. Rescuing is when you allow yourself to be pulled into a situation by your child that you need to stay out of. Managing or controlling is not the same as helping; what parents fail to realize is THEY are the ones being managed and controlled. I have dealt with a lot of crying children over the years and I can guarantee you they always stop crying at some point — IF the parents stay out of it and allow the instructor to just do their job. If you feel compelled to rescue, hold off on lessons until you are both ready. If you do have a legitimate issue with how the instructor is teaching, then you bring it up to aquatic manager after the lesson is over.
Don’t feel like you are alone if you are at your wit’s end with your non-swimmer. I have parents/readers email me their frustrating stories all the time. If you post a comment or email me about yours, I promise you I will get back to you and make it better!
