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Although I do my best to write about timely topics as they pertain to teaching swimming, there’s nothing like a good swim question to both inspire content and keep readers closely involved in making Squidkid a popular and helpful resource. I received a great one from Squidkid reader “Debra” yesterday:

I have a 3.4 year old and he has been taking small group lessons once a week for about 6 weeks. He cries everytime. He says he is afraid of the water. I want him to learn to swim for survival reasons should he fall in. Should I keep going with the lessons – it is a great school- or stop and when does he start again?

RESISTANCE IS NORMAL AT THIS AGE. First of all, these responses are normal, from the child crying to mom wanting her son to have water survival skills. This push-pull dynamic of resistance is to be expected.

BEFORE MAKING A CHANGE, LOOK DEEPER AT THE CURRENT SITUATION. Before you put the work into changing the situation, you can do a couple of things. First, rule out if water trauma is affecting the current situation. It is important for a parent to recognize and honor water trauma, which can happen by the child falling in a pool or being away from the parent’s reach for even a few moments . If you can recall a situation that brought on wide eyes, crying, or emotional talk (either by the parent on child), that was a situation that could have caused water trauma. This kind of trauma lasts and rears its head in swim lessons. If you’re not sure, note current body language: If the child grabs fearfully at the instructor with wide eyes in discomfort, it’s a sign of a past negative water experience. Water trauma is very different from basic water fear (fear of the unknown) – it’s a fear based on a past experience.

Another item to consider before any action is if the swim lesson is the first teacher-student relationship your child has ever had. Your child might need help understanding expectations in these situations. Using rewards and repercussions helps a lot. For example, explain that crying behavior during swim lessons is not OK. And explain a small treat — something they have chosen — will be waiting for them if they follow the teacher’s rules. Another word for this is called Tough Love.

GROUP LESSONS NOT BEST CHOICE FOR THE FEARFUL. If the above has been ruled out, here’s a plan of action. First, make note that group lessons don’t always provide the support a fearful beginner needs. The instructor’s attention is always divided in a ratio, never allowing them to really devote their skills for a long enough time to make an impact on the child. Nor should you expect the instructor in this situation to be able to change things up. It’s just the nature of group lessons.

GET A PRIVATE INSTRUCTOR — NOW. With that being said, find yourself a private instructor for your fearful child. In Debra’s situations, find that person now — do not take a break. This is how you keep giving the message swimming is important. Even if it is just for 3-4 more lessons, keep going. Ask the swim department to credit you for what money you’ve put in to a group lesson, if policy permits. Discuss with the instructor on the first lesson the child’s swim history, and tell her you want to meet after each class and discuss if any progress is being made. Progress is no crying and attempts to do what the teacher asks. No progress is continued tears. If you’ve got progress, keep going with an instructor once a week. Don’t rush it. If no progress, pull out and wait until they get a bit older. Replace swimming with a new activity for the child and explanation this is the reason for a “short break” with swim lessons.

AGE LENDS TO READINESS. This leads to age, which plays a huge factor: The younger the fearful child is, the more slowly you need to work with him/her; and the older a fearful child is, the quicker they end up learning to swim.

PARENTS GET INTO THE POOL. Also, if you want your child to find swimming important, you must join them in the pool. Just get in and play. Go underwater. Show them how you do it. Ask the swim department what the policy is for parents playing either beforehand or after a lesson in the pool (if you’re not a member).

THEY MIGHT LIKE WATER, BUT WATER RESPONSIBILITIES HAVE JUST BEGUN. Yes, we’d all like our 3 or 4 year-olds to be water safe. It’s not an unheard of desire. But parents need to remember what Red Cross preaches: Just because your child can swim does not mean they are water safe. I’ve seen some 3 and 4-year olds do some amazing stuff in the water, but this does not make them any more developmentally ready to understand the complexities of pool safety any deeper than their non-swimming counterparts.

Send me your questions! I’d love to do my best to answer them.