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Inspired by the swim lesson resistance entry, avid SquidKid reader and swim instructor Leslie H. from North Carolina echoed her difficulties when trying to work with a family she doesn’t seem to be able to connect with. She’s going to wait it out and attempt to get to know the family better through conversation, but Leslie and I both know sometimes communication isn’t enough — sometimes a family needs to take a break from swimming lessons all together.

It’s certainly a difficult thing for an instructor to deliver the advice a parent needs to have their child take a break from swimming lessons, but it can be concluded as smart advice if you both haven’t been ignoring the pink elephant in the room. Parent or instructor, here’s how to do it:

Step #1: Keep Your Cool by Remembering Lessons are About Progress

Instructors aren’t circus clowns or child psychiatrists, they are swim teachers; just as moms seek swim lessons so their children can be safer in the water, not to be disruptive or be upset. These are things we should be able to safely assume. Focusing on progress keeps things objective and not personal: Progress is either being made or not. Of course lessons need to be fun, and fun can lead to progress, but stick to this main point.

Step #2: What You’re Imaging Going Wrong is Manageable, Doesn’t Exist, or Needs Identifying to Go Away

Albert Einstein said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. If you feel the swim dynamic ratio is stacked against you, (ie. mom and student on one side, you on the other), know the wall of resistance gets dismantled using several small strategies. Your first move to uncover assumptions or change the situation is to initiate conversation.

Step #3: Take A Deep Breath, Stick to the Facts & Move On

This works for both the teacher or parent: 1) explain what you see happening right now; 2) explain where you need to be to say progress is being made. This time could be looked at as an opportunity to make some effective pointers or to vent. Don’t let pride, bullying, or too many words bury the message. Explain you’re opening up communication about swim progress to be on the same team and will follow up in a couple of lessons after everyone has had a chance to do their best. Get your verbal or body language agreement they hear your message and then remove yourself from the situation.

Step #4: Follow Up, Follow Up, Follow Up

If you don’t, your message is meaningless. When everyone has done their best, call another pow-wow and relay the facts: Where you were, where you are, and whether progress happened. As they say in customer service, stick to the issue, not the person.

Step #5: It’s Time for an Expert Decision

Parent or instructor, use your facts to advise one of two decisions: Take a break or keep on going. Explain what it means to take a break, and what it means to keep going. Explain the pro’s and con’s of both. Obviously, if you are advising a swim break …

• Pro’s of a Swim Break: Child, instructor, and parent doesn’t feel pressured and gets a chance to remember swimming needs to be a comfortable, fun experience.
• Con’s of not Taking a Swim Break: The child, instructor, and parent continues to feel pressured, which typically backfires for all three.

lf you’re getting the point, you’re realizing to keep it simple, keep it factual, keep the message the same, and keep a professional distance. I’ve suggested breaks to very supportive, great parents I’ve gotten to love, but who had kids that were just too stubborn (or “independent”) to follow tasks I’ve asked them to do. I’ve suggested breaks to dramatic situations where the parent-child clearly had some issues they needed to work out with one another and felt drawn to use me or the swim situation as their mediator. If you keep the message about swim progression simple, factual, and the same, you’ll be at a comfortable distance to make the steps or shots — or at least just know you set it up so everyone got a fighting chance to do their best.