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Your kid is crying uncontrollably in the arms of a teacher. Or maybe you don’t like how the teacher is working with your child. The bottom line is, you feel helpless. If you could teach them to swim yourself, you would, but such is not the case.

To quote a popular a song, you’ve got to know when to fold ‘um. Know when to walk away. And know when to run.

When to Fold it (For the Time Being)
I use a At-least-Three-Lessons rule of thumb before I recommend to a parent to hold off on swimming lessons for the time being, no matter the age. That means that if before or during the third lesson they are still uncontrollably crying, they are just not ready for swim lessons.

It’s important that a child learn to swim. It’s one thing if a little whining, sad eyes or even a few tear show up when asked to perform fearful tasks. But continuous loss of emotions is a continuous loss of time and money. I’ve stated in a previous post that 5 years-of-age is a perfect time to learn to swim, because the child has better control over their emotions and can rationalize a situation better. Come back when you can have conversations about the task of swimming without losing it. Then they are really ready, and thus will really learn.

Know When to Walk Away
A good instructor will keep the parent out of the pool during a lesson. It is a distraction. Even a parent sitting sidelines watching can be a distraction.  Leave periodically, or watch from out of your child’s site, if you can get away with it.

Dealing with separation is about using tough love tactics. As a team, you enforce to the child the boundaries and expectations that come along with swimming, or being with a teacher, for that matter. The separation is for the sake of being able to thrive.

And if the child cries uncontrollably after the third lesson when you do this, you know it is time to remove them from lessons and wait it out.

And Know When to Run
There are just some swim programs and instructors out there that aren’t the best match for your child. There are some programs that are only summer-run and use disposable college labor. There are some instructors whose methods or skills don’t match with your child’s needs or age level.

It’s understandable if you have some trepidation about introducing a new person to work with your fearful child in the water. Look and listen, if you need to.

Instincts should tell you whether to trust or interrupt the lesson. Unhappy faces, stern voices, lack of patience and safety — bad signs on the part of the instructor. Bad signs on the part of the child.

If your instincts tell you must interrupt for the emotional safety, do so. But don’t interrupt because you are used to controlling the outcome.

And don’t forget that even the most highly-recommended instructor might not hit it off fabulously with the your kid, or visa versa. It’s impossible to say you have something in common with everyone you meet at a dinner party, or that the blind date a friend pushed you into resulted in an immediate connection (I never had one blind date I liked!)

I still make mistakes that end up making a swimming lesson feel like it is going all wrong. Sometimes I get too set on a child learning something they just aren’t getting.  Sometimes the kids is just having a bad day. The idea to be decisive, know your choices, and make a long-term solution.